Catching up on not so recent movies we recently watched the epic – Troy. We already knew what to expect from friends’ comments but this is one of those movies where you just had to see it to believe it. Clearly Hollywood producers don’t let history (ok classical literature) get in the way of good melodrama.
First of all, we have to say that they simply butchered Homer’s Iliad and we are being nice here. The gods were completely forgotten, when they are essential in the story. Without gods, Paris would never have eloped with Helena and this means no war between Trojans and Greeks. This is already disturbing enough, but then the movie goes on and everything gets worst.
Achilles smart mouth attitude was a bit annoying, we know he is the best, no need for him to keep repeating it. The way he flexes his muscles and pouts constantly doesn’t give him much credit either… The lack of chemistry between him and Rose Byrne (Briseis) is almost painful to watch.
Then Paris! Is this wimp the warrior that conquered the most beautiful woman in the world? Hard to believe. He spends most of the movie looking guilty but not doing much. And why was he playing Legolas again with his arrows and arch at the end trying to look like a hero?! Paris is not a very sympathetic character in the Iliad but here he becomes even more irritating and we all wonder why the hell Helena left her husband for him. Well, until we met the charming Menelaus…
Since the Helena shown here was a bit insipid and not at all the woman capable of convincing us she brought two nations to the brink of war and destruction, we say she and Paris are good for each other. Of course, we couldn’t care less, since again there’s absolutely no chemistry between Orlando Bloom and Diane Krueger.
Agamemnon was such a bad character, he is the true villain and frankly, after watching this we wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley at night… or day, by that matter. At least Brian Cox seems to have fun! On the other hand, his brother Menelaus was pathetic… War! War! Revenge! Fight! It’s all he talked about and after some minutes, we just ignored him as much as possible.
Were we the only one to think that Andromache was about to faint during the all movie? Well, with a husband like Hector, it’s almost understandable.
The two saving graces were Sean Bean and Eric Bana, they were trying to make their best and manage to deliver a convincing and agreeable performance, which was certainly not easy in the middle of this chaos. Odysseus is witty, brave and wise and Hector becomes the only Trojan who seemed to have the notion what was happening and what needs to be done, without betraying his beliefs and his honor.
The dialogues matched the rest of the movie, boring and witless and it seems that Pitt was given the worst of it. There’s some exceptions, especially for Odysseus and Hector who again are the only interesting performances in this movie.
By the way with so many individual combat’s we were worrying the would be no wooden horse in the end, fortunately it wasn’t that bad. But it was close! The horse was pretty good (and rather artistic!) and gave us some moments of fun.
If you are looking for an epic full of adventure, good dialogue and wonderful acting performances, this is not for you. This is probably one of the worst movies we ever saw. Obviously, we do not recommend it unless you see it with a bunch of friends all slightly drunk. Now, that can be fun!
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Not going to lie, I loved Troy, for the same reasons I loved 300….the half nekked men.
I’m shallow.
Sue me. :)
Speaking of terrible historical movies have you guys seen Alexander? Even Jared Leto and Colin Ferral couldn’t save that monstrosity. It was one of the few movies I was ready to walk out on.
LOL! I have to confess I saw Troy and don’t really remember it, not a good sign I know! I only know that I hated Brad Pitt and thought that Eric Bana was the only good detail! ;-)
LOL Well, I cannot blame you, Mollie! ;-)
Yes, I did saw Alexander (unfortunately!) and it also belongs to the my “worst movies ever” list. I’m sure we’ll make a review someday but I confess that I don’t know if I can go through the same torture and see the movie again. It was really bad! Oh and I will never be able to forget that platine blond hair with the black eyebrows…
Not only Eric Bana but also Sean Bean!! :P
I didn’t see Alexander, I remember shying away from it due to Angelina’s presence, but I’ll have to try it one of these days, if it’s that bad! ;-)
I’ve only seen Troy last week when it showed on tv. I don’t know the real story so I can’t comment on that, as for the movie, after spending so many years hearing everyone saying the worst about it, I have to admit it was not that bad!
(Yeah, mostly because of the almost naked men :oP And, kill me, but I have a crush on Brad Pitt, he’s the only blond guy I like, I don’t care about his performance or dialogues on the movie, I just loved to see him with almost no clothes on!! :oPPPPPP)
But I agree that Paris seemed a wimp and Helena just a regular girl… And even though Eric Bana has a good role as Hector, I just feel that he has a dumb face! I can never really believe him when making “tough guy”…
LOL!!!
Did you already see The Assassination of Jesse James? It’s wonderful!
And hey, Eric Bana is perfect! Well, not really but he is so handsome. :P
No, I haven’t. But is Brad Pitt naked there!?!? :P
Eric Bana perfect?! With that “xoninhas” look?! Sorry, no possible translation here ;)
There’s some bath scenes, if I recall correctly.;-)
LMAO Xoninhas?! How can someone prefer Pitt to Bana?! :P Watch first Munich and then let me know if he still has that “xoninhas” look. Pfff! Wicked woman…
Hummmmmmmmmm, bath scenes…………………… :P
I’ve seen Munich. Xoninhas!!!!!
;)
Tsk tsk tsk! You’re helpless… but then you like Pretty Boy Pitt (this is how George Clooney calls him). :P
I said in my first post that we was the only blond guy I liked. Well, unless you count Josh Halloway/Sawyer, but he is not a Pretty Boy!!!! :P
(hum, this post was about a movie, not guys, right?? ;))
Movie?! What movie? :P
Sawyer is much more interesting, oh yeah… Could never resist a bad boy. ;-)
What about Brad Pitt in Fight Club? He wasn’t a “Pretty Boy” there!
I know, I’m talking about him too much, it seems I don’t like George Clooney, and Alan Rickman, and Richard Armitage, and Hugh Jackman, and, my latest “thing”, James McAvoy, with whom I’m obsessed since I saw Penelope in the flight from New York…
:D
I don’t dislike Brad Pitt, I only found his character in Troy not to my taste at all. ;-) In Fight Club he is great, but then there’s Edward Norton and I love that guy.
Now you’re talking!!! That’s a fine group of men you mention there. :P I’m dying here to see Australia with Hugh Jackman. This guy is really something! Ooohh, James McAvoy… Sigh! Did you see Atonement? He is the only reason to see that movie.
Btw, how is Penelope?
Of course his character is good! He almost has no clothes on!! ;)
I’ve seen Atonement, it was that movie that called my attention to him, I hadn’t realized he was the Faun in The Narnia Chronicles until then. But it was Penelope that really made me drool and get obsessed :P The movie is really cute and funny, IMO.
I cannot leave you alone for a minute, this is what happens! :-P
I don’t usually go for blond guys, it’s very, very rare, most of the time they just look sleazy to me, they have to be a lot more than a nice naked body, so Brad Pitt and Josh Halloway are completely out of the picture. I really don’t know what people see in Sawyer, apart from the shirtless scenes! Now if we’re talking about James Marsters it’s another ballgame! ;-)
And hey, wasn’t this supposed to be about Troy? :-P
“I really don’t know what people see in Sawyer, apart from the shirtless scenes!”
The shirtless scenes are high quality. :P
Hmmmm, James Marsters is handsome but that white hair is a bit yuck. I’m a Christian Bale kind of gal, I can’t help myself. ;-)
The white hair I could do without, but the character and that accent… Swoon!
Christian Bale is perfect in Batman, he’s the best one up until now, and I love George Clooney, but Batman he’s not! :-P
This almost deserves a separate post, but some of my recent and not so recent favourites are, George Clooney, Jensen Ackles, Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman, Josh Duhamel (another blondie) and Edward Norton.
Christian Bale is perfect in everything… Sigh! :P
Clooney is a hottie but that Batman & Robin was a bit strange.
LOL We should make a special post about our favorite actors. ;-) Oooohhh, those are good! Isn’t Ackles a blondie too?
Don’t get me started on that relationship, it was beyond awkward! :-P
Oops! Missed that, Ackles is a blondie too!
I had to go see who were Jensen and Josh, and I agree with you, Ana O :P
One of the things I think it makes James Marsters so cute and charming is his white hair! It’s gives him that… vampire look?? ;) The accent is wonderful, and that made me remember of Jesse Spencer from House………… droolllllllllllllllll.
As for Christian Bale, I don’t understand. It’s another Eric Bana for me, he definitly doesn’t have the “xoninhas” look but I can’t understand what people see in him. He seems dirty to me, and not in a good way :P
It’s official, we do not have the same taste in men. :P
I agree with the accent, but that white hair is absolutely no “vampire look” for me and with those dark brows, it’s even worst. I can only imagine him in a rave party dressed all in latex and lycra. Big no-no for moi! ;-)
Oh no, no Jesse Spencer! I almost forget he’s in the series since he is completely crushed by House. Poor guy…
Dirty?!LOL Then give me dirty Christian Bale and Eric Bana everyday! I would be a very happy woman. :D
Okay James McAvoy? yum. Love him. But didn’t like Atonement.
Jensen and Josh (aka Sawyer)? Oh HECK yeah. All over them in sexiness. But as far as lost goes I’m a Jack girl.
James Marsters ONLY looks good as Spike.
Christian Bale? It’s the lips, I just want to bite them. grrrr
Brad Pitt? gorgeous but hate most of the movies he’s starred in.
Bana- YUM, love him too especially in Munich.
I haven’t seen but bits and pcs of both Troy and Alexander while it’s showed on tv but from the little I caught, aside from the eye candy- not interested. (The scenes with Colin and Jolie in Alexander are down right creepy considering the mother/daughter thing.)
How about Gerard Butler? ::melts in a puddle::
Gerard is a funny guy and I especially like how he looks in Dracula 2000 (terrible movie, btw). I barely recognize him in 300 with all those muscles: “This is Sparta!”. :P
He looked even better in PS I Love you!
MMMMM
Bana, Bale, Butler, Ackles, McAvoy, ……….MMMMMMMMMMm love them all.
Someone asked about Penelope. I loved it, thought it was such a cute fairy tale. But I’m sappy like that. And James McAvoy….so hawt.
Speaking of P.S. I love you…..anyone for a little Jeffrey Dean Morgan??!!!!!
Heck YEAH on Jeffrey Dean Morgan! MAN he looked HOT in PS I Love you! PLUS James Marsters? (although admittedly Marsters looks best as SPike) That movie was all about eye candy!
Oh and I just rented Penelope- LOVE me some McAvoy!